Exams are coming up pretty soon so I won’t have time to write much. (Well, actually they are still a month and a half away but it feels like they are just around the corner!) Instead of putting the blog on hiatus, I thought I’d post some of the poems I had written in the past. This one’s titled: The Real Me
If you really knew me, you would know
That the smile I have is just for show.
Plastered on a porcelain face,
Is a facade none could ever trace.
If you really heard me, you would hear
The hidden thoughts, the untold fears.
And how I wish your hand would
Brush away my invisible tears.
If you really saw me, you would see
That underneath the surface
Lies a temper more tempestuous
Than a lover’s green-eyed jealousy.
If you really felt me, you would feel
A touch of more than what is real.
I’ve an emptiness only you can fill,
But you never do, and you never will.
Every weekday at 4pm, I gravitate
Toward my usual place. Ignoring the chit-chat,
My eyes sweep across the hall and hesitate
On a mop of blonde and two pools of grey.
Mesmerized, unable to pull away,
I’m drawn like moths to a dancing flame.
Please don’t notice my staring, I silently pray.
It’s rude, I know, I can’t help but feel this way.
Desperate for distraction, I diddle my gaze downward
At the pile of scrawly notes; but instead, I just see
His beautiful face brushing against the calligraphy.
And there he is again… not noticing me.
The clock strikes quarter to six
He’s always one of the first to leave.
Before I could get his attention, he was gone.
And it takes me a moment
To realize: He will never notice me.
My fortunes I have counted, and they’re great –
Better than most I undoubtedly rate.
Then why must unhappiness follow me so?
Why do I silently curse my fate?
Family and friends, they love me plenty.
But what of that? My heart is still empty.
When did I lose myself? When did I fall
Into the black pits of insanity?
My craziness, though subtle, is there
Can they see it? Do they bother to care?
Loneliness has always been a friend –
Not anymore. It has left me in despair.
Nobody sees the depth of my sorrow.
Outside it’s all smiles, inside I’m hollow.
I live each day contemplating the joys
Of there not being another tomorrow.
I look at the self destructing weapon and sigh.
First cut’s the hardest – do I dare to try?
I submit to the hands of chance and wonder
Will the giver of life run or let dry?