I don’t know what happened, my mind’s a blur
I wish we could go back to how things were
Although we weren’t perfect, I was happy and content
For a brief while I was convinced you were heaven sent
Despite my efforts I cannot win
This game of chance, my patience runs thin
The only winning move is not to play
Foreveralone is where I’ll stay
It takes me on average…
4 attempts to get a recipe right
And an hour to fall asleep at night
5 trips to recall how to navigate
The confusing roads of the interstate
3 days a week I’ll be wearing a dress
Thirteen-hundred is my rating for chess
You can tell me your name, just say it twice
But once is enough if you’re really nice
Countless times I’ve wished upon countless stars in shooting skies
Only to realise miracles are nothing but star-spangled lies
A constellation of tear drops form clouds in my heart
And when it rains, it rains blood to fill an empty quart
Tugging on heart strings like a puppet master on show
Toying with feelings, next, my clarity you stole
Here I am, alone, with just these words to console
Hoping they could rebuild the fallen and make it whole
Wondering, waiting, wavering
Tonight my resolve is slowly weakening
Tempted to shout, though the silence seeps through
To my dreams, and in them, I weep for you
I’m not sure when it all began
That pivotal moment of change
It’s pointless to try understand
A world so strange.
Fairy tales are not written for me
And failure comes at no surprise
I cannot defy the gravity
Of Love’s demise.
I look to others with a green-eyed envy
Wishing I too can be master of the Art
My dreams are rejected, instead I carry
A broken heart.
Alone and wary this warm October eve
I glance up but there’s no star to wish upon
My inside is crushing, still, I make-believe
that life goes on
I was on the brink of losing hope
Convinced that love was out of scope
Despite many gambles I would take
The conclusion’s always “a mistake”.
I was on the verge of giving up
Thought relationships were stupid and corrupt
There was no desire to love, no more
Not another heart break like before.
I tried, but couldn’t figure out why
It was impossible to deny
That failure followed from far and wide
Negative attitudes I subscribed.
But then… a surprise waltzed into my life
I no longer minded the sacrifice
The first impression that went through my mind
Was “damn-it mister, you’re so divine”.
A rush of emotions like a rising tide
In your presence, passion became amplified
Despite the struggle, I could not resist
The gravitational pull of your sweet, sweet kiss.
I didn’t expect our chemistry
To accelerate at such velocity
I mused and reflected, eventually admitted
I was surreptitiously afraid of it.
But then… I was reminded of your
Absolute adoration and allure
And all my misgivings disappeared
My cloudy conscience became crystal clear.
You are amazing and I’m in awe
Everything about you I adore
I will gladly have my energy spent
On you, because you are Heaven-sent.
I often find myself in search of meaning.
In my increasingly irrational existence,
Knowing too much is a dangerous thing.
I fear I’ve succumbed to resistance.
If only ignorance can be disguised as bliss,
I would gladly spend my life unaware
of the many treasures and happiness
resting beyond my reach somewhere.
Instead, every morn I wake and face
a monotonous eight to five scene.
I wish I have the power to replace
the sun, moon, and all that’s in between.
Imagine in a parallel universe
where mistakes are few and petty;
I won’t be subject to loneliness’s curse
and misfortune is but a hyperbole.
It is time to put life under review
and reflect whether this is truly for me.
Am I strong enough to push through
the sorrow of this soliloquy?
Or will the Will fizzle and burn,
and see my efforts in vain –
lest fortune’s wheels never turn
once in my favour again.
I never realised how hard this would be
What comes naturally to others is a stumbling block for me
I watch them move with such ease
Like performers on a flying trapeze
But every time I try, I don’t succeed.
Whose fault it is, I’m never so sure
I wish and pray there might be a cure
To rid my bad fortune and give me a chance
To prove myself worthy of a real romance
But instead, loneliness I endure.
I’ve tried to be naughty, I’ve tried nice
I’ve danced with fire and drunk with ice
It wasn’t enough; I was one step behind
Moving backward, my love’s in rewind
I’ve done my best and it didn’t suffice.
Time is nobody’s fool – the joke will be on me
If I surrender to my Insecurity
Where to from here? I do not know
Can’t suppress the feeling of vertigo
I’m scared, you see, of injury.