Mommy Dearest

My relationship with my mom has been strained at the best of times. It’s like the typical teenager versus parent battle where everything she does annoys the hell out of me (and I’m sure everything I do has the same effect on her judging by the frequency of her shouting episodes). On the rare occasions that my friends visit, they always remark on how wonderful and nice my mom is. They can’t understand why I portray her in such a bad light. Well, that’s because she puts on a facade in the presence of my friends and goes into stereotypical Asian parent mode – i.e. she puts a tonne of junk food on several platters and force feeds them to my friends. Let’s face it, not one teenager in the entire universe would scornfully judge the hand that feeds them biscuits and sweets. However, the minute my friends leave, her persona reverts back to what I call the Annoying Parent Mode, and here’s why:

Case 1: My mom rummages through my closet and unearths a pile of clothes from 2002. She holds up each individual item of clothing and asks if I still want to wear it. (Perhaps she missed my growth spurt in 2005?) After I repeatedly tell her they don’t fit me anymore, she unleashes a heavy sigh and says: “What a waste…” (pause) “…maybe I’ll be able to fit in some of these.”

Case 2: My mom asks me to type up a Word document and she insists on watching me type it up.
Mom: “WAIT! That word has a squiggly green line under it! Get rid of that squiggly green line!”
Me: (Sigh)
Mom: “What’s that blinking line?” (Points to the cursor)
Me: (sigh)
At this point, I’m so peeved off that I tell her to do the rest herself seeing as she claims to know better than me. So she sits down in front of the laptop and tries to figure out how to use the mouse. Five minutes later, she finally manages to move the cursor from the top of the document to the bottom, not knowing that she was supposed to left click at some point between minute 0 and minute 5.

Case 3: My mom complains about being bored at home and decides to start learning the “interwebs”. She waves a Windows 98 manual in a face and proudly proclaims that she’s now well versed in how to operate a computer and browse the World Wide Web. She still has no clue what a modem is.

Case 4: I walk into the bathroom and find her crouching on the floor, examining my toiletries.
Me: “What are you doing?”
Mom: “Oh just looking.” (She holds up my Labello) “What’s this?”
Me: “…Stuff for your lips”
Mom: “Oh… Where’d you buy it?”
Me: “At a supermarket”
Mom: “Which one?”
Me: “…anyone?”
(She runs off and tells my dad to get her one as if it’s something shiny and special)

Case 5: My mom holds up an outfit she bought when she was in China.
Mom: “You want it?”
Me: “No.”
Mom: “It matches.”
Me: “No.”
Mom: “The jacket is really warm. It’s perfect for Cape Town weather.”
Me: “No.”
(30 minutes later)
Mom: “Are you sure you don’t want it?”
Me: (Sigh)

Case 6: I’m busy chatting online and my mom walks in.
Mom: “Are you cold?”
Me: “I’m fine.”
Mom: “Do you want me to close the window?”
Me: “Nope.”
(She goes and closes the window)
Mom: “Do you want me to turn on the heater?”
Me: “No.”
Mom: “You don’t have to worry about the electricity bill.”
Me: “Okay, fine.”
(She turns on the heater and walks away)
(10 minutes later she comes back)
Mom: “Don’t forget to switch it off when you go to bed. The price of electricity went up by 25% you know.”… As if I would forget to turn it off $%%&££$%^”#!

Of course, that being said, my mom is still great in that:
1. She makes my bed
2. She does my laundry
3. She cleans
4. She spoon feeds me when I’m sick
5. She loves me unconditionally even though she has threatened to kick me out plenty of times

I don’t want to come off as ungrateful. I do appreciate all the things my mom does for me, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that she is also forgetful (at times), annoying (most of the time) and overprotective (all of the time). I love my dad though. He is beyond cool :)