For too long I have waited,
Held my breath and debated.
My mind is wary but my body rebels
As I surrender to Temptation’s spell.
Every time Fate deals me a card,
I fall too easily and far too hard.
When I’m with you, times ceases in its track;
Each touch brings me closer to heart attack.
I love the way my hand fits so perfectly
in yours, and the way our lips agree.
I love the look you get in your eyes
when the layers come off and I’m the prize.
Desperately doing my best to please,
I live for beautiful moments like these.
Drawn like moths to a dancing flame –
if I get injured, I’m to blame.
I know I shouldn’t, I know that it’s wrong;
But still, I get the feeling we belong.
Would it be unfair, would it be a crime
To want you in this little heart of mine?
Dark murderous clouds loom over my head,
I walk on roads where angels fear to tread.
Enveloped in a mist of midnight chill
The night’s just begun; my breath I hold still.
I look to the ageless Nox and bemuse
This sordid misfortune and its abuse.
The cards are dealt, my fortune is at war;
What I used to take for granted, no more.
Fingers brush against the broken compass.
Heart beats in panic, I cannot dismiss
The suffocating feeling of being
Lost. My courage is rapidly fleeing.
Introspectively I pause, and wonder
If there will be rainbows post the thunder.
I often find myself in search of meaning.
In my increasingly irrational existence,
Knowing too much is a dangerous thing.
I fear I’ve succumbed to resistance.
If only ignorance can be disguised as bliss,
I would gladly spend my life unaware
of the many treasures and happiness
resting beyond my reach somewhere.
Instead, every morn I wake and face
a monotonous eight to five scene.
I wish I have the power to replace
the sun, moon, and all that’s in between.
Imagine in a parallel universe
where mistakes are few and petty;
I won’t be subject to loneliness’s curse
and misfortune is but a hyperbole.
It is time to put life under review
and reflect whether this is truly for me.
Am I strong enough to push through
the sorrow of this soliloquy?
Or will the Will fizzle and burn,
and see my efforts in vain –
lest fortune’s wheels never turn
once in my favour again.
When Optimism is diffused and Life is a mess
When the Spirit is dampened and the Soul is in distress
When Night conspires to keep Dawn out of reach
There will be no more vacations on the beach.
Rising bubbles of Suffocation in my chest
Up and down a rollercoaster nest
I try to seize Control – Control eludes me
Instead, it precipitates Insecurity.
Bad things happen, it is pointless to dwell
But Logic does not dictate what the Heart compels
This feeling of Sadness strongly overwhelms
If only I could escape to a magical realm
Where Reality is not compounded with Regret
Where the scales don’t tip to the side of Debt
Where I can see my reflection and smile
And for once, be happy, just for a little while.
What once was green
Is now brown
What once had leaves
Now scattered to the ground
The bitter wind
And blackened frost
Your gentle name
Is somehow lost.
What once brought laughter
Now laughs no more
What comes hereafter
Remains to be explored
Fragments of my mind
In time falls apart
The memories left behind
Just an imprint on my heart.
What once was strong
Is now weak
I try my hardest
But end with a losing streak
What once brought light
Is now filled with darkness
What once was whole
Is now in a million little pieces.
I never realised how hard this would be
What comes naturally to others is a stumbling block for me
I watch them move with such ease
Like performers on a flying trapeze
But every time I try, I don’t succeed.
Whose fault it is, I’m never so sure
I wish and pray there might be a cure
To rid my bad fortune and give me a chance
To prove myself worthy of a real romance
But instead, loneliness I endure.
I’ve tried to be naughty, I’ve tried nice
I’ve danced with fire and drunk with ice
It wasn’t enough; I was one step behind
Moving backward, my love’s in rewind
I’ve done my best and it didn’t suffice.
Time is nobody’s fool – the joke will be on me
If I surrender to my Insecurity
Where to from here? I do not know
Can’t suppress the feeling of vertigo
I’m scared, you see, of injury.
I listen to the sound of Silence
Scream inside my head
Faulty wires spark,
Cutting at life’s thin thread
A broken fuse ignites
The hatred within my soul
And in the darkness of the night
My hunger embraces the Cold.
Towards the threshold of Insanity,
I’m slowly decomposing…
No longer my own referee.
Staring into the eyes of deceit
I see Loneliness’s reflection,
Clouded by a green-eyed Jealousy,
Bring Love’s sweet extinction.