I don’t know what happened, my mind’s a blur
I wish we could go back to how things were
Although we weren’t perfect, I was happy and content
For a brief while I was convinced you were heaven sent
Despite my efforts I cannot win
This game of chance, my patience runs thin
The only winning move is not to play
Foreveralone is where I’ll stay
Countless times I’ve wished upon countless stars in shooting skies
Only to realise miracles are nothing but star-spangled lies
A constellation of tear drops form clouds in my heart
And when it rains, it rains blood to fill an empty quart
Tugging on heart strings like a puppet master on show
Toying with feelings, next, my clarity you stole
Here I am, alone, with just these words to console
Hoping they could rebuild the fallen and make it whole
Wondering, waiting, wavering
Tonight my resolve is slowly weakening
Tempted to shout, though the silence seeps through
To my dreams, and in them, I weep for you
I’m not sure when it all began
That pivotal moment of change
It’s pointless to try understand
A world so strange.
Fairy tales are not written for me
And failure comes at no surprise
I cannot defy the gravity
Of Love’s demise.
I look to others with a green-eyed envy
Wishing I too can be master of the Art
My dreams are rejected, instead I carry
A broken heart.
Alone and wary this warm October eve
I glance up but there’s no star to wish upon
My inside is crushing, still, I make-believe
that life goes on
I was on the brink of losing hope
Convinced that love was out of scope
Despite many gambles I would take
The conclusion’s always “a mistake”.
I was on the verge of giving up
Thought relationships were stupid and corrupt
There was no desire to love, no more
Not another heart break like before.
I tried, but couldn’t figure out why
It was impossible to deny
That failure followed from far and wide
Negative attitudes I subscribed.
But then… a surprise waltzed into my life
I no longer minded the sacrifice
The first impression that went through my mind
Was “damn-it mister, you’re so divine”.
A rush of emotions like a rising tide
In your presence, passion became amplified
Despite the struggle, I could not resist
The gravitational pull of your sweet, sweet kiss.
I didn’t expect our chemistry
To accelerate at such velocity
I mused and reflected, eventually admitted
I was surreptitiously afraid of it.
But then… I was reminded of your
Absolute adoration and allure
And all my misgivings disappeared
My cloudy conscience became crystal clear.
You are amazing and I’m in awe
Everything about you I adore
I will gladly have my energy spent
On you, because you are Heaven-sent.
This introspection has been long over due.
It takes courage to admit I was a fool.
Trapped in an infinite loop of past mistakes,
Chained to the memory of this last heart break,
I wish I could unwrite my history with you.
It’s been a week. I keep waiting for you to call.
Wishing you were here to catch me as I fall.
But I know the desire is futile; it’s not meant to be
Happiness has once again eluded me.
It’s been a week. I’ve removed all physical trace
Bar the memories I’m battling to displace –
Ghostly reminders of a recent time
When the world’s euphoric and our hearts sublime.
It’s been a week and still, emotion is heavy.
I conjure your name among the calligraphy.
Moments later, reality strikes through
I’m reminded: This is the end; not our debut.
It’s been a week. I’ve realised my unfortunate mistake.
I should never have made myself vulnerable to heartbreak.
The all consuming sadness is pitiless as the night
It’ll be a while before the injured takes flight.
Earphones in, I turn the volume up real loud
hoping to drown the nauseous background chatter.
I’ve heard this lecture many times before,
A recurring theme…the words no longer matter.
Immersing myself in the lyrical melody,
I allow imagination to scatter.
Shifting my attention to the euphony,
I refuse to let composure shatter.
Out of my peripheral vision, I see
the outrageous gestures of a mime
But the act no longer moves me, I deny
participation in her psycho-paradigm.
I push the decibels higher, until music
consumes all thoughts and brings serenity.
I refuse to entertain the face of sorrow
or endure the voice of irrationality.
The whimsical world wraps its wonders around me
I eagerly escape to the land of solitude
Where I am the master of destiny
And emancipate myself from servitude.
For too long I have waited,
Held my breath and debated.
My mind is wary but my body rebels
As I surrender to Temptation’s spell.
Every time Fate deals me a card,
I fall too easily and far too hard.
When I’m with you, times ceases in its track;
Each touch brings me closer to heart attack.
I love the way my hand fits so perfectly
in yours, and the way our lips agree.
I love the look you get in your eyes
when the layers come off and I’m the prize.
Desperately doing my best to please,
I live for beautiful moments like these.
Drawn like moths to a dancing flame –
if I get injured, I’m to blame.
I know I shouldn’t, I know that it’s wrong;
But still, I get the feeling we belong.
Would it be unfair, would it be a crime
To want you in this little heart of mine?
Dark murderous clouds loom over my head,
I walk on roads where angels fear to tread.
Enveloped in a mist of midnight chill
The night’s just begun; my breath I hold still.
I look to the ageless Nox and bemuse
This sordid misfortune and its abuse.
The cards are dealt, my fortune is at war;
What I used to take for granted, no more.
Fingers brush against the broken compass.
Heart beats in panic, I cannot dismiss
The suffocating feeling of being
Lost. My courage is rapidly fleeing.
Introspectively I pause, and wonder
If there will be rainbows post the thunder.
I often find myself in search of meaning.
In my increasingly irrational existence,
Knowing too much is a dangerous thing.
I fear I’ve succumbed to resistance.
If only ignorance can be disguised as bliss,
I would gladly spend my life unaware
of the many treasures and happiness
resting beyond my reach somewhere.
Instead, every morn I wake and face
a monotonous eight to five scene.
I wish I have the power to replace
the sun, moon, and all that’s in between.
Imagine in a parallel universe
where mistakes are few and petty;
I won’t be subject to loneliness’s curse
and misfortune is but a hyperbole.
It is time to put life under review
and reflect whether this is truly for me.
Am I strong enough to push through
the sorrow of this soliloquy?
Or will the Will fizzle and burn,
and see my efforts in vain –
lest fortune’s wheels never turn
once in my favour again.