Maybe if I say it enough, I will believe it and it will actually be true. Or maybe that is just a whole lot of BS conjured up to make us feel better after a break up. In some ways I truly feel I have given my all, I tried to bridge the non-compatibility issue, tried to be patient, tried to convince myself that I needed to make it work. But after all the trying, I was still sad and angry that he couldn’t meet me half way.
I went back and read some of my older poems and nothing much has changed. Still the same ol’ theme. Take this for example… written 6 years ago and still as relevant and appropriate today as it was back then. Often it does feel like I am the common denominator. Maybe I just keep going for the wrong men… whatever it is, it has brought me back full circle. Back to cooking for one.
It’s funny how the days leading up to a breakup, my mind is filled with negative thoughts and yet the minute it’s final, I want nothing more than to be back to where we were. Maybe I should take a break, but the truth is, I hate being single. I miss having that person whom I can message all day and not feel guilty for interrupting. I miss the cuddles, the contact.
I kind of knew from the beginning that we weren’t well suited for each other. I don’t know why I kept it going – in some ways he pushed for it and mislead me. I let him convince me that it could work even though deep down I knew it couldn’t.
I don’t know how to meet people organically any more. Not convinced that that will yield a different result in any case. I used to think I was too picky and therefore give up too easily, but now I actually think I’m not picky enough and end up settling. Like the bff says, I need to be a reacher. Need to find someone who’s better than me in most regards. I guess this is as good a challenge as any.
It’s taken me a while to write this, mainly because I was worried I’d be fired for expressing a dissident view. But then I remembered a quote by Edmund Burke that encouraged me to be brave and to fight for rational thought. In case you’re unfamiliar with the story, the gist of it is that someone made an insensitive post on Facebook that likened black people to monkeys. It received a lot of back lash, the general consensus was that her comment was racist and many people called for some form of punishment including criminal proceedings.
I am not debating whether or not her post was racist and offensive, because I believe that to be irrelevant. I am a strong advocate of free speech, regardless of its propensity to cause offense. Being offended should not deter people from expressing themselves, irrespective of how valid those views are. Offense is a subjective thing, and if we use that as a yard stick for measuring the appropriateness of speech, then nobody would be allowed to say anything as it may offend one person or another.
Instead, we should use harm as the basis of measurement, not counting intangibles such as hurt feelings. In other words, if words lead to bodily harm (such as verbal bullying causing suicide) then that should be punishable. However, if the only consequence was a bruised ego or a flare of indignation, then that should not be cause for reciprocal hatred, death threats or a call for legal action.
I can’t imagine how one unknown individual’s brisk comment could be cause for any sort of harm, even psychological harm. The back lash on the other hand is a different story, as reports claim Penny had to be hospitalised due to the severity of the reactions to her post. It’s the difference between one person casting a stone and a thousand each throwing one. The power of the mob outweighs any individual and the scary bit is that it is near impossible to tell who dealt the final, devastating blow. This is dangerous as responsibility is so dispersed that people are even more inclined to be purposefully malicious.
The bottom line is that we all say mean and hurtful things. Many of us will make inappropriate jokes that borders on racism, sexism, etc. And we should be free to make them without censorship so long as no significant harm comes from it.
…especially when you’ve been sent to a desert town where the only form of “green” is in the shape of purchased palm trees. I suppose that’s the only connection the locals have to a tropical paradise. I don’t understand why people choose to live in Phoenix. It’s hot, dry, and a catalyst for an eczema breakout. The only benefit is not having to shovel snow every morning during the winter months – but the drawback is the scorching 40+ degrees heat from May to October… At least there are very few homeless folks loitering around because even the laziest of humans can’t withstand Phoenix summers.
My three month stint in Arizona was rough. The hours were tedious (leaving at 9pm on most nights). Americans definitely work harder than we do back home. Their busy reason spans from January to March, whereas in Cape Town, I really only worked overtime in January and then it’s back to normal.
There wasn’t much to do entertainment wise during the rare occasions where I wasn’t chained to my laptop. At least Phoenix has a team in every major sporting category, and I got to see quite a few games during my time there.
Basketball intermissions are just too entertaining.
LA Angels vs Chicago White Sox… what a snooze fest. Baseball is more boring than cricket!
Ice hockey!!! Canucks vs Coyotes
First off, can I point out that it’s easy to say the right thing when you’re not the one facing the consequences. But when you’re the one running the country, it’s not smart to piss off one of your major trading partners for the sake of one individual who thinks he’s god. Foreign policy has never been about doing the right thing or fighting for the underdog. It’s about doing what is in our best interest. How will granting the Dalai Lama a visa benefit SA in tangible terms? It doesn’t take a rocket science to figure out why Zuma is refusing to give the Dalai Lama a Visa. Tutu can play the saint all day long, he has nothing to lose, only favours to gain. It’s a different story when you have to answer to why your country suddenly lost a big portion of its bilateral trade with one of the foremost economic powerhouses in the world.
Let’s talk about the Dalai Lama now, who’s really just a guy born at the right place and the right time. I don’t believe in any of this divine being nonsense so to me, he has very little claim to Tibet. If you look at the average Tibetan youngster, they use phones, listen to music, browse the internet and play games. They don’t want to become monks and lead nomadic lives the way their ancestors did. They want what the modern world has to offer – gaining independence takes away all of that and puts them right back to the stone age.
Tibet is extremely poor because of its geo-location. Farming is hard, transportation is treacherous…there’s very little going for it other than their yaks. Having said that, the Chinese government has given Tibet roads, an airport, jobs, food, water & electricity, etc. The BASIC needs. Sure, freedom of speech is important, but I don’t think it is more important than food and water. Give a really poor man a choice between Facebook or a good meal, I bet he’ll choose the latter every single time.
The point is, having China’s influence and its resources meant Tibet is no longer this extreme, horrible place. There are about 150k refugees out of a population of 6m. Compare that to the 50 m Afghan refugees or the 2.5 m Iraqi refugees that fled their country because of the US invasion, China doesn’t look too bad all of a sudden.
The independent Tibet dreamed by the Dalai Lama would be a theocracy where religion governs life. That, coupled with its harsh environment would make Tibet backward and isolated. I can’t imagine how the quality of life could increase without China’s hand in this.
My point is SA need to calm their socks about this Visa thing. People get denied Visas all the time. Losing billions of trade is the more concerning issue.
It takes me on average…
4 attempts to get a recipe right
And an hour to fall asleep at night
5 trips to recall how to navigate
The confusing roads of the interstate
3 days a week I’ll be wearing a dress
Thirteen-hundred is my rating for chess
You can tell me your name, just say it twice
But once is enough if you’re really nice
This introspection has been long over due.
It takes courage to admit I was a fool.
Trapped in an infinite loop of past mistakes,
Chained to the memory of this last heart break,
I wish I could unwrite my history with you.
Being sick sucks. Especially in summer. While everyone else is enjoying themselves on the beach and indulging in cocktails, I’m cooped up in my flat all by my lonesome, feeling sorry for myself. Until I discovered the brilliance of Awkward. It is far from the featherbrained display we normally associate with MTV shows.
Awkward is a funny, coming of age show about a girl who struggles with her identity as well as her feelings for the 2 boys in her life. The cliched premise is overwritten by the unique nature of the characters. I finished 2 season in 2 days, and couldn’t wait for more.
The main character, Jenna, is quirky, smart, and totally weird. Bad luck follows her like a plague, which I identify with a lot. Here’s the trailer for season 2:
PS. Forgot to mention, it features an Asian that is not Annoying. That get bonus points in my book.