Countless times I’ve wished upon countless stars in shooting skies
Only to realise miracles are nothing but star-spangled lies
A constellation of tear drops form clouds in my heart
And when it rains, it rains blood to fill an empty quart
Tugging on heart strings like a puppet master on show
Toying with feelings, next, my clarity you stole
Here I am, alone, with just these words to console
Hoping they could rebuild the fallen and make it whole
Wondering, waiting, wavering
Tonight my resolve is slowly weakening
Tempted to shout, though the silence seeps through
To my dreams, and in them, I weep for you
I’m not sure when it all began
That pivotal moment of change
It’s pointless to try understand
A world so strange.
Fairy tales are not written for me
And failure comes at no surprise
I cannot defy the gravity
Of Love’s demise.
I look to others with a green-eyed envy
Wishing I too can be master of the Art
My dreams are rejected, instead I carry
A broken heart.
Alone and wary this warm October eve
I glance up but there’s no star to wish upon
My inside is crushing, still, I make-believe
that life goes on
I get into a lot of arguments with my parents and majority of them end like this:
“You’re so young and inexperienced, blah blah, wait until you’re grown up.” or,
“Don’t be so naive. We KNOW what’s best for you.”
Except they don’t. Despite every attempt at trying to give me the best, despite every effort at wanting the best, they don’t always succeed.
Last week, I lost my parking bay to another tenant. No biggie because there’s parking off street. But no, my parents decided to go and make a “reserved” sign and plonk it on the lawn in front of an unreserved bay. (The complex has a few unreserved bays which work on a first come first serve basis.)
Their rationale was that “602 did it so why can’t we?” – Hmm, let’s see. Maybe “602” organised it with the body corporate? Just a thought.
NO MATTER! Mom said she spoke to the security guard downstairs and he said it’s “finnnneeee”. – Because the security guard knows it all…
So, while at work, I got an sms from my dad to say he plonked the sign next to “602”‘s. TWO HOURS LATER, I got another sms from my dad to say someone removed the sign. – Well, that didn’t take long, did it?
Now I have this useless piece of wood/metal sitting arbly in the corridor.
If you know me at all you’d know I’m a sucker for free things. Save for a few horribly inhumane things, there is very little I wouldn’t do for freebies. There is just something about them that escalates my utility to disproportionally high places.
Last week I got a collection slip in my mail. I had no idea what it could be as I hadn’t ordered anything and was a bit short on pen-pals. Nevertheless, I was hoping for something grand.
I made my way to the post office yesterday and eagerly awaited my package… The lady came back with a padded envelope. It was big enough to hold nice things, so I remained hopeful. On opening it I saw:
1) an old instruction manual for a microwave
2) spare keys
3) letter with bad handwriting
Turned out my friend Ash (who lived in my flat before me) was going through old boxes and thought the items mentioned above might be useful to me. Never mind that I changed the locks in March last year and had been using the microwave without trouble for almost 2 years.
But thank you, Ash. For the disappointment. It was sweet of you.
I was on the brink of losing hope
Convinced that love was out of scope
Despite many gambles I would take
The conclusion’s always “a mistake”.
I was on the verge of giving up
Thought relationships were stupid and corrupt
There was no desire to love, no more
Not another heart break like before.
I tried, but couldn’t figure out why
It was impossible to deny
That failure followed from far and wide
Negative attitudes I subscribed.
But then… a surprise waltzed into my life
I no longer minded the sacrifice
The first impression that went through my mind
Was “damn-it mister, you’re so divine”.
A rush of emotions like a rising tide
In your presence, passion became amplified
Despite the struggle, I could not resist
The gravitational pull of your sweet, sweet kiss.
I didn’t expect our chemistry
To accelerate at such velocity
I mused and reflected, eventually admitted
I was surreptitiously afraid of it.
But then… I was reminded of your
Absolute adoration and allure
And all my misgivings disappeared
My cloudy conscience became crystal clear.
You are amazing and I’m in awe
Everything about you I adore
I will gladly have my energy spent
On you, because you are Heaven-sent.
This introspection has been long over due.
It takes courage to admit I was a fool.
Trapped in an infinite loop of past mistakes,
Chained to the memory of this last heart break,
I wish I could unwrite my history with you.
It’s been a week. I keep waiting for you to call.
Wishing you were here to catch me as I fall.
But I know the desire is futile; it’s not meant to be
Happiness has once again eluded me.
It’s been a week. I’ve removed all physical trace
Bar the memories I’m battling to displace –
Ghostly reminders of a recent time
When the world’s euphoric and our hearts sublime.
It’s been a week and still, emotion is heavy.
I conjure your name among the calligraphy.
Moments later, reality strikes through
I’m reminded: This is the end; not our debut.
It’s been a week. I’ve realised my unfortunate mistake.
I should never have made myself vulnerable to heartbreak.
The all consuming sadness is pitiless as the night
It’ll be a while before the injured takes flight.
I have a list. A list of all the qualities I look for in a boyfriend. In recent months, I’ve compromised it quite a bit. I got sick of people accusing me of being picky and decided to take on a “why not?” approach. They all start off great. Full of promise. But sooner or later, the happiness fades and I am painfully reminded of why I have a list in the first place.
It’s not enough to have love and passion. They fuel the beginning but it is dedication and compatibility that carry a relationship through. Take the cater-waiter for example. Sure, he was good looking but it didn’t take me long to realize we had nothing in common. He had no ambition, no future career prospects. He spoke about music and art, of which I had little interest. His most recent achievement was getting the best waiter award at his catering company. Lesson #1: It’s not about looks. He must be nerdy.
Then there was the smoker. He never lit up in my presence but the stench remained. Kissing a smoker was not pleasant… especially a plus-sized one. While it was purely a lifestyle choice and not a reflection on the caliber of the individual, I do feel quite strongly about taking care of one’s health. Lesson #2: Non-smokers only. Flabby bits are discouraged too.
The most recent one was the closest to the list, yet he was also the furthest. Driving 40km to see him was a mission and eventually it dwindled down to meeting once every 2 or 3 weeks. Having someone I can’t be with is worse than not having anyone at all. Lesson #3: Must live within a 20km radius and be willing to spend time with me.
The next person who teases me about my list will be ignored. It’s there for a reason and I should have stuck to it from the beginning.
Earphones in, I turn the volume up real loud
hoping to drown the nauseous background chatter.
I’ve heard this lecture many times before,
A recurring theme…the words no longer matter.
Immersing myself in the lyrical melody,
I allow imagination to scatter.
Shifting my attention to the euphony,
I refuse to let composure shatter.
Out of my peripheral vision, I see
the outrageous gestures of a mime
But the act no longer moves me, I deny
participation in her psycho-paradigm.
I push the decibels higher, until music
consumes all thoughts and brings serenity.
I refuse to entertain the face of sorrow
or endure the voice of irrationality.
The whimsical world wraps its wonders around me
I eagerly escape to the land of solitude
Where I am the master of destiny
And emancipate myself from servitude.
Being sick sucks. Especially in summer. While everyone else is enjoying themselves on the beach and indulging in cocktails, I’m cooped up in my flat all by my lonesome, feeling sorry for myself. Until I discovered the brilliance of Awkward. It is far from the featherbrained display we normally associate with MTV shows.
Awkward is a funny, coming of age show about a girl who struggles with her identity as well as her feelings for the 2 boys in her life. The cliched premise is overwritten by the unique nature of the characters. I finished 2 season in 2 days, and couldn’t wait for more.
The main character, Jenna, is quirky, smart, and totally weird. Bad luck follows her like a plague, which I identify with a lot. Here’s the trailer for season 2:
PS. Forgot to mention, it features an Asian that is not Annoying. That get bonus points in my book.